Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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