My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize
