never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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