Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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