he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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