I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
