watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
