Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
