WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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