dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
