So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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