I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
