I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
