she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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