and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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