nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I believe in your delicious
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