Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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