the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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