I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
