ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
