i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
