would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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