i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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