i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Randomize
