My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
