In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
