he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
