fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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