OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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