I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
