Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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