I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
