You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
