I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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