i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
