you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
