addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He felt like a one man threesome
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
