is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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