Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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