i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
