P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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