i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
now i know why i became what i already was.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
