He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
