I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
