see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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