Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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