i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
