Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Randomize
