oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
