I need help removing her.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
