I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
