Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
