OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
